stayed out way to late again; this break up has really done something to my sleeping schedule.
i feel bad for wanting to leave the house, like maybe if i stayed around more things would get better. But i need to get out- i need my space and freedom. helping a friend move today while we sip on some vodka, then maybe end the night off with maryjane, mexican food, and margaritas.
i think if you are not smart enough to read things in context then you are not smart enough to call yourself my friend.
sick of social networking, sick of people taking my words and using them in ways they want to. if you have a question, CALL ME- in stead of talking shit or judging me. WERE ALL FUCKED UP HERE, im just one that is not scared to admit it.
being clear headed i am able to see that for the first time im doing something best for me, not for you or him or anyone. im completely terrified- but its what i need. the old me would have took the easiest road; the safe way but the safe way is not always the best way. i need to be uncomfortable to be comfortable again. i feel sick to my stomach, but i will get through this. i finally see who i am, who i want to grow to be and who i dont want to be. if “low-gradding” to my own place with out all of my luxuries is what i need to do to take care of myself; to become the independent person i was made to be then so be it. i can sleep alone, i can quit this life style, i can work my ass off, i can take care of all 4 cats, i can mend a broken heart, and i can turn this around. this was a life lesson; among many and many more to come. im just ready to be the person i was made to be.
im just ready for the calm at the end of this storm.
we have both made our mistakes, we have learned; we have loved- and nothing was wasted or lost. im glad to call you my best friend and my partner. people will talk there talk, but we wont listen because we have learned happiness with in our selves to where we dont need anything else. its still a strange transition, but we have never been known for being normal ;) Living with an ex would be hard if it wasnt for the fact that he is not my ex, he is my bestfriend and that fact alone will never change. new people might come in and out of our life but its a beautiful thing to know how strong of a team we really are.